Hammer and Tongs

Have your cake and...... travel with it.....

While I am being a total under-achiever on the jewellery front I may as well entertain you with another story from my travels as an I.T. Manager.....


It all began during a site visit to evaluate and write a report for our Global IT team to be able to install networks and servers into our India office in Kolkata.

I have a policy when I am visiting a foreign country.... I only eat local food where ever possible i.e. if I am in the hotel I order only local food from the menu and when I am out I only eat in local restaurants, it adds coulour to my trip.

Having said that if I ate the wrong thing or an off thing it could add a bit more colour than I would have bargained for.

So to get back to the story......the week and a half I was there went by in a storm of various local dishes with a myriad of flavours smells and heats (curry breakfast , lunch and supper)

As a digression however, the hotel I was staying in seemed to be fixated with apples, on every floor outside the lifts were large bowls of apples (yes I stopped at lots of floors just to check on the apple situation), now these apples proved to be an excellent source of food for me when I was rambling round Kolkata on my time off, and also when being harrassed by the teeming hordes of beggars an apple or two staved off the grabbing hands temporarily.

Apples in the hotel

Anyway moving on ..... generated by my delight in the food at the hotel the chef now took to coming to my table each day to "assist" me with the choices of meal for the day and the dining room staff took delight in "assisting" me with the selected pudding of their choice for me to enjoy at the end of the meal.

So comes the end of my visit and at the last dinner I am duly presented with "pudding" - this time in the form of a small mousse cake, I was informed that I didn't need to try and finish it as I would be taking it with me (yeah right....) so to a circle of beaming faces I sampled a slice of the most awesome mousse cake I have ever eaten.

The first mousse cake

End of meal and "Pack up the cake" said I, "Oh No" said they.... "This isn't the cake you are taking, we have a whole cake packed and ready to go" all compliments of the hotel.

How the best cakes travel

So back to the room goes the cake and I; to pack and get some sleep prior to my leaving at 3AM in the morning
I am a tad worried: how the hell am I going to get the cake through multiple airport securities and finally customs in South Africa - its food stuff after all and customs dont like food stuff being brought in.

3am comes far to early, a quick shower and get ready to head out the door, and there stands ...... THE CAKE, now the first thought into my head is .... "abandon it in the room and pretend I have forgotten it".... second thought "No they will no I just abandoned it"..... so off we go, picture this... me/luggage/cake, out to the taxi and away.....

I have a brilliant idea "I will abandon it in the airport".... no go - too many airport security and military types wandering around and all I need is to get thrown into an Indian jail for trying to blow up the airport with ...... a cake, and anyway before I know it I am going through the xray systems with the cake.
The security staff give me plastic trays for cameras, laptop etc and a seperate one for the cake and et voila out it pops on the other side of the xray machine without a blink from the staff - in fact I had more hassles going through the body scanner as my belt set off the metal detector and I had to take it off and go through the detector a couple of time until they were happy WHILE THE DAMN CAKE SAT AND WATCHED ME FROM THE FAR SIDE.....

Any how moving along, I look for some more spots to dump the cake .... police/military/etc wandering around, and eventually we start boarding; I am stopped at the door of the plane and politely asked what I have in the box...

"Its a cake..." said I as if it was the most natural thing one would possibly carry onto an international flight, how could they be so stupid everyone carries cakes around while travelling. But I omit, it was given its own luggage tag when being checked.

"Give it to me and I'll put it in the fridge for you" says the air hostess  as if it was the most natural thing one would possibly carry onto an international flight, how silly of me to possibly think otherwise.

So we fly from Kolkata (India) to Dubai, and I am plotting the whole way as to how to get rid of the cake....... "Ahhhh abandon it in the fridge and pretend I have forgotten it"...... no damn ways, the air hostesses are efficient to a turn, as I am getting up to disembark; from behind me in the midst of the passengers there is the airhostess...

"Sir..." " Sir..... your cake" she says on the top of her voice.

DAMN DAMN DAMN blasted cake, it probably yelled out that It was being left behind.
Lets not even mention the strange looks the passengers gave me and the cake...... 
WHAT; dont they know that all the most seasoned of travelers fly with cakes now days?

So into Dubai airport and yes you guessed it.... I look for some more spots to dump the cake .... police/military/etc wandering around, through the xray machine goes the cake, backwards and forwards through the metal detector goes I while the cake sits and watches, i'm sure the cake got a bit irritated with me holding things up all the time, I mean for heavens sake I have a belt buckle, metal eyelits on my shoes metal frames on my glasses, I'm bound to set off the metal detector ... whats a cake got flour/water/sugar .... in a word foodstuff - no metal - FOODSTUFF ..... yes foodstuff to get through customs, got to dump this cake some where.

And the story starts again.... we start boarding, and I am stopped at the door of the plane and politely asked what I have in the box...

"Why its a cake" says I; dont these people know by now about international travellers and their cakes..... phffffff...... ignorant people.

"Give it to me and I'll put it in the fridge for you" says the air hostess, Ahh of course she knows about international travellers and their cakes....., she marks my seat number on the luggage tag and off goes the cake to the fridge.

Thought pattern... again.... - "When we land get up quicker this time head for the door and abandon the cake"...... and so off to sleep.

10 or so hours later after a good sleep (yes I sleep like a log on planes - some of us are blessed with the ability to sleep anywhere - and yes I was traveling cattle economy class) We land in Johannesburg (by now the cake and I are We...) , keep my head down while we taxi in, doors open and I am up like a shot.... maybe that drew my attention to them.... NAH they are just too efficient ....

"Sir..." " Sir..... your cake" the Air hostess says on the top of her voice.....

DAMN DAMN DAMN blasted cake, it probably yelled out AGAIN that It was being left behind.

"Why thank you, I nearly forgot it, how sad that would have been" says I politely...

Off the plane we get, on to passport control, and finally collect my luggage.


Now the distance from Kolkata (India) via Dubai to Johannesburg and excluding the taxi ride and walking around the various terminals is approximately 9,728km, a fair distance for a small mousse cake to travel although for the most part relaxing in a fridge, so I decide there and then.... this cake is going to make the final hurdle... it wont be abandoned right at the finishing line.... and so to the strains of music from Chariots of Fire" (scene goes into slow motion) cake in one hand luggage in tow in the other hand a determined look in my eye I head for the green corridor..... past the large poster waffling about illegal products.... past the customs officers....... and out into the waiting throngs..... 

THE CAKE HAD MADE IT......

.... who says you can't have your cake and eat it.......